One more place for girls to yammer on…

Rant

How Not To Parent

My policy is to only give parenting advice when asked. Even though I have a lot of experience teaching children, I’ve yet to join the ranks of those who raise children. With the exception of abuse, they are your kids…raise them however you see fit.

I’m going to break this rule for a minute. Watch this:

Did you see that? Right around the 26 second mark? The kids are fighting and the dad puts on his headphones so he can just tune it out.

Good tactic my friend. I’m sure that, in no way, can turn ugly. Plus the game is on. Priorities. I get it.

I’m also pretty sure there is a joke in the fact that the girl is screaming “ball! ball!” as if she’s trying to get one…but she is holding a ball. I’m too tired to think of something to say about that now though because I’m still recovering from Black Friday.

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I Need New Insults

I got a letter in the mail this week informing me that I was not chosen for a position I interviewed for. The position was a management job at a car dealership that my family and I have bought at least four cars from in recent years. It’s a place that we really enjoyed doing business with and had a lot of respect for as a family owned operation.

…that is, until my interview…

During the interviewer the lady asking me questions put my resume down, looked me in the eye and asked when I graduated high school. I sort of knew where she was going with that question and felt uncomfortable answering, but answered anyhow because I’m proud of the fact that even though I’m 25, I’ve had a lot of experience and definitely possess the skill and maturity to carry out this job. Without skipping a beat the lady said, “you seem to have a lot of what we’re looking for, I’m just afraid you look too young to be effective in this position. You do look a lot younger than you are, you know.”

Hmmmm. I did not know that, actually.

Since she was so kind to reiterate her position in writing this week, I’m going to draft her a little letter myself.

Dear Discriminating Jerk Head,

As a long time customer of your car dealership I was excited to have the opportunity to interview with you a couple of weeks ago. Clearly you saw something on my resume that made you feel like I may be suited for this position, and I believe you are right, I would have been an asset to your team. (Haven’t you heard? I bake cookies.)

I respect the fact that while I’m very talented, other people in this world may exist that can execute a job, or at least a job interview, better than I can. Possibly you found one of those people, I hope it works out well.

Before I finish this letter, I’d like to offer you a piece of advice. Telling somebody that they look too young to do anything, is discrimination. My looks place no bearing on my abilities and I was appalled that you felt the need to point out your close minded and rude opinion. I’ll be sure to let my friends, family and anybody who asks know what car dealership it was and encourage them not to do business with them as long as you are still there.

Remember how we discussed I was a kindergarten teacher, and that being a teacher involved a lot of multi-tasking, management and other valuable work skills? Well something I else I learned in kindergarten is that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. You might do well to remember that in the future.  (I also learned the term ‘jerk head’ while teaching. I never thought I’d be able to put that to use.)

Sincerely,

Baby Face

 

 


Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween gang!

I have to tell you, I’m super excited to share today’s blog post with you. There is a lot to cover so let’s get right into it…

First of all, Halloween. I hope everybody had a great weekend. I really, really love this time of year. Cold weather, (snow!!) hot hazelnut mocha’s…it was a perfect weekend.

For my costume I tried to be funny this year. Remember that Olivia doll I mentioned months ago? The creepy one that my sister and I hide in attempt to scare each other?

Well she’s gotten even creepier…she lost an arm somehow in the past few months.

And I went as her for Halloween. I think that a person dressed up as an Olivia doll is even creepier than the actual Olivia doll.

Pictures exist, but I’m not sharing them. You might be able to bribe my sister for one though…she likes blueberry muffins and decaffeinated white mocha’s with caramel on top.

I had a lot of fun people watching as well, adults seem to put more work into their costumes than children do. Adult Halloween costumes typcially come in 4 basic categories. Let’s explore:

Funny – Blue Man Group costume has been done well. Political figures are always good for a laugh and this guy was very creative:

He’s Angelina Jolie’s baby.

 

Gross: The blood, the gore, the penises sticking out of your shorts. Put that stuff away! Scaring people is one thing, scarring them is another.

Sexy: Most girls strive for sexy. I get it, it’s the one day of the year that you can wear something a little risque and not feel like you need to apologize for it. Just be careful though, you are one inch of skin away from being…

Slutty: What is with the girls in slutty costumes? Is it fun to parade yourself mostly naked in public? Are you really in need of that much attention? You know, there are places that will actually pay you parade around half naked all year long. Just sayin’.

 

I also wanted to be the first to share with you that Kim Kardashian is filling for divorce today. At first I was devastated! The time, energy and attention I put into that wedding this summer is just disgusting.
After I thought about it though…I’m super excited! Why?? Because “Kim and Kourtney take New York” was filmed directly after the wedding. The show premiered in November and we are going to get to watch the whole train wreck go down!
Really though…that’s what you get for marrying a guy with the same name as your mom. If I ever decide to marry a guy named Brenda, remind me of how it can only end badly.

I have a sneaky suspicion that not many of my readers are Kardashian followers, but fear not! If anything noteworthy happens I’ll be sure to fill you in right here.

What was the best costume you saw this Halloween? Did it fall into any of these categories? 

 


A Quick Note To My Facebook Friends

As with jobs, guys, and clothes…I’m very picky as to who I consider a  friend.

Not because I think I’m better than anybody, or because I’m trying to be exclusive, just because I like to surround myself with good people.

That being said, when you post your 1,000th Facebook status about how you are against child abuse or in favor of cancer research, you are telling me something I already know, that you are a good person who cares.

But by implying that if I don’t re-post your poorly written status I should feel guilty for not displaying my love of abused puppies for an hour, well, that’s just rude.

I have a proposal for you all – think about all of the time you spend on Facebook reading and re-posting these messages. What are these messages actually doing? Creating awareness for issues we’re already aware of? I challenge you to take 1/10 of the time you will spend on Facebook next month and do something productive for one of those causes.

Sad about cancer? Contact the American Cancer Society, they have a lot of uses for volunteers.
Want to help those puppies and kitty friends? Talk to an animal sanctuary. They would love your help!

At a loss for how to help your cause? Email me. I’m sure we can come up with something together: letsgrabacoffee@gmail.com

But for the love of all that is good in this world, stop with the Facebook statuses!
 

 

 


How Not To Run A Business

I like to think of myself as a trendsetter, but I’m also not ashamed to admit that I’m a trend follower as well.

Sometimes I catch on to the cool stuff right away, like nano pets. Oh man, I was all over nano pets. I couldn’t keep them alive any better than I could my real pets, but the point is I had them when they were popular.

Other times I’m a little late to the party. I just bought my first pair of leggings. The point is – I did it. Ok Cosmo? Jeez. Get off my back.

Now that I’m not working, I feel that I don’t really have an excuse to miss out on the latest trend. Just to keep myself accountable, this is how I’m going to follow along:

First I’m going to take something people love, like…peanut butter. Who doesn’t love peanut butter? (Unless you’re allergic to peanuts, in which case, grab an epi-pen and join the cool table.) So anyhow, I’m going to take peanut butter and make it more accessible. For a small monthly fee, I will deliver peanut butter to your house. Any kind you want. You want fancy choco-hazelnut-wonderbutter? Deal. It’s on its way.

Then, once everybody sees how awesome their life can be when the best peanut butter around is delivered to their doorstep – everybody will start doing it!

Being the savvy business lady that I am, I’m not going to stop there. In your subscription to peanut butter at your door, I’m going to allow you to watch peanut butter cooking channels on your computer. Unlimited resources of how to use your delicious peanut butter!

Now that you can get peanut butter delivered to you and unlimited screen time of the yummy stuff, you will probably stop buying it in stores. Stores may even stop carrying it, because so few people buy it in the store. Whole peanut butter companies will go out of business, because I’m doing what I do so well.

Once everything is going along swimmingly and I’m making bazillions of dollars off of you peanut butter fiends I’m going to screw it up. Royally.

Those peanut butter shows you grew to love? You’re going to need to pay me more for those now.

Oh. And pay more for the delivery too please.

While I’m at it, how about I make the peanut butter shows and peanut butter deliveries two totally different things. You are going to need to have two separate accounts if you would like to continue to enjoy them.

At the end of the day my whole company may just burst into flames because I took something awesome and made it decidedly un-awesome.

Thanks for the great idea Netflix.


Is it because you didn’t get paid?

Scarlett Johnasson is getting in touch with the FBI this week to sue the people responsible for hacking into her phone and posting nude pictures on the internet of her.

Hackers have also tapped into the phones of Mila Kunis, Vanessa Hudgens and others.

I don’t want nude pictures of me leaked on the internet either. THAT’S WHY I DON’T KEEP NUDE PICTURES OF MYSELF ON MY PHONE. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

 

That is all.

 


What Did You Expect?

The following text exchange just took place.

Easily Offended: I’m glad to see I made your blog

Me: Who is this?