One more place for girls to yammer on…

Girl Talk

I’m Too Cool For This

I would have posted this last night but my wireless internet wasn’t working. The troubleshooting feature on my computer wasn’t much help as it kept suggesting I should plug an ethernet cable in so that I could have internet.
That would give me internet, but I was already in bed and not about to get up and plug my computer in at that time of night. A girl needs her beauty rest…plus Chelsesa Lately was on. I decided to do what I do with most problems and ignore it hoping it would go away. Tonight when I turned the computer back on the internet worked fine. I guess the only lesson I learned in all of this is to keep ignoring my problems and let them fix themselves.
Seems legit.

Anyhow I’m back with another great dating story. I’m also sending a shout-out to all of my readers for their crazy dating stories too. I know that many of you are no longer in the dating world but I think if you could just send along the nutty things that happened to you while single I will feel a lot better about myself.

I went on a date Sunday night. I was feeling especially relaxed and in control for this date because I had played my cards perfectly. The date was with a guy I’ve known for a few months, but he finally asked me out for a proper dinner last week. I didn’t initiate any conversation with him between the time he asked me on the date and the date itself because I think texting guys is stupid and that technology has ruined my generation’s ability to communicate face to face.

When it was time to meet this guy on Sunday I dressed up – but just a little, as not to appear to be trying too hard. (Side note: It takes a lot of effort to look like you put absolutely no effort at all into your looks.) I arrived just on time and he was already there waiting for me. I liked that.

The conversation went well and there were even tentative plans made to meet up again. Things all seemed to be going fine, until the next morning. I sent a polite “Thanks for last night, I had a good time” text. I didn’t hear anything for a few hours but didn’t let it get under my skin because I’m calm and collected and busy enough myself not to be waiting by my phone for a text. (Maybe I was busy texting all my friends about the date…but I was busy nonetheless, don’t judge me.)

A few hours later I received his reply: “ur welcome”

Excuse me?

No – “I had a good time too”?
No – “Thanks for coming”?
You couldn’t even take the time to spell “you’re” out completely?

Fine, fine. It was just one date. Even though I was a little surprised at his lack of reaction, I’m not invested in this guy enough to let it get me down.

Around 9pm last night I got another text from him. When I saw his name I was taken aback, I hadn’t really expected to hear from him again.
I’m sure you all are assuming that he was texting to ask me out again, to elaborate that he had a good time on our date too, maybe even to ask how my night was going. That’s what I was thinking. I was wrong. He wrote this:”want to sleep over?”

Um. No.
Unless your idea of a sleepover involves Olsen Twin movies and staying up chatting all night. If that’s the case, I’ll bring the popcorn.

Ur welcome.

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This Is My Life

I’ve had a really hard time writing this post. Not because I haven’t tried, oh I’ve tried, it just never felt like I did the events that happened to me this week justice.
I have had a weird week.
I’ve finally reached this conclusion: I am much better at writing about and embellishing mundane things to sound funny, than I am at taking actually funny things that happen to me and making them entertaining to read.

Because I have been told that I need to write these stories, as they somehow only happen to me, I’m going to just get them in print and send them off into my little corner of the internet. I hope that even though I’m not writing about them in my usual sarcastic and petulant tone, you still grasp the weirdness that was my week.

Last Sunday my co-worker Marissa and I went shopping. This is why I wanted a job so badly, so that I could make a new friend to go shopping with.

After a long day of trolling the mall, we decided to have lunch at the Olive Garden. Confession: I love chain restaurants. Ruby Tuesday’s, TGI Friday’s, Red Lobster…I just can’t help myself! If I can get the same dish here as I can in Florida as I can in Massachusetts, it just makes my belly happy.
Anyhow, we both ordered the unlimited soup and got down to girl talk. I was impressed with how attentive and friendly our waiter was and enjoyed chatting with him as well. It wasn’t until the end of the meal that my friend commented on the fact that she was still hungry and had not been offered any more soup.
Turns out the waiter was being purposely attentive to me, as I got this with my bill:

Marissa is still waiting for a refill on her soup.

Wednesday night I was hanging around our local college town when I ran into this guy.

I immediately sent the picture to my friends and my favorite response was from my sister. “Oh god Brandy, who are you dating now?”
(For those of you who crawl under rocks on Thursday nights, this is Craig Robinson, also known as Darryl, from The Office.)
I happened to have a copy of Mindy Kalings new book with me, (Kelly from The Office) and he took a picture of me and the book and sent it to her! And I just realized that I forgot to tell him how much I love Toby!! Damn. Hey Mindy…send my picture to Toby…tell him to call me!! I have our wedding colors picked out!!

Wait…don’t tell him about the wedding colors thing. I’ll tell him.

Friday morning a guy I met twice wrote a poem for me. Or not. There has been some debate about it. The running theory is that the poem was originally written for an ex as a “let’s get back together” poem and is now being given to me as a “please date me” poem. Nobody has written anything for me since Patrick Swayze wrote “She’s Like The Wind” for me when I was 3.
Yes that song was for me, who else would it be for?

To round out a crazy week I went with my big sister to see a crazy movie. That’s right, I saw the new Twilight movie. It’s horrible and amazing all at the same time. One of the highlights is when Bella announced the name of the baby, Renesmee, and a guy in the theater with us shouts out “Renesmee?!”
I’m with you dude. Horrible name.

The other highlight was when my sister cried at the wedding scene. Laughing at her for crying at a Twilight movie is probably the hardest I’ve laughed all week.
…and with the week I’ve had, that’s really saying something.

 

 

 


This is me, not surprised.

So here’s the deal…

Last month I told everybody here that I was voting for Kristen Cavallari on Dancing with the Stars because I was responsible for her broken engagement.
Do you think I’m going to keep voting for you when your tool of an ex shows up in the audience?

 

Bye bye Kristen. I’m Team Rob now. I like watching his sisters tweet about it and am looking forward to seeing my twitter feed explode into confetti when he wins.

 

Oh…and Kristen? I’m going to need my red dress back. Thanks.


A Note For My Sister

Recently, there has been a debate over the type of guy I ultimately would like to end up with. I had come up with a list of non-negotiable traits (single, smart/educated, funny, handsome and professional).

I get a lot of grief for this list. Particularly because my sister thinks that smart + professional = rich.

She even has gone so far as to say that I would marry Ben Roethlisberger if he were to ask. Implying that I would go for a meat-headed womanizer, as these traits can be forgotten if you have money.

In order to set the record straight, I would like to point out how my behaviors would be different if I were, in fact, out for money instead of love.

If I were a gold digger I would be looking for a sugar daddy, and not a job.

….. I would hang out at the country club, and not on my blog.

….. I would wear more makeup when I got out in public. I would probably do my hair up fancy too.

…..I would not have been an education major. I would have become a nurse in hopes of meeting a doctor.

 

I hope this clears that debate up. Tomorrow maybe I’ll tackle something a little more pressing, like the occupy Wall Street protests or the latest republican debate. Or not. Probably not.

 


Good Thing Aaron Rodgers Is From California

I love fall!

The season is finally here, although you wouldn’t know it by the crazy 80 degree weather today.

 (Tiny picture from cell phone. The pumpkin on my left will be carved up into something awesome in a few weeks. Stay tuned.)

Tonight I was listening to my mom and my aunt discuss small town gossip. Nothing worth sharing here…but they threw out a lot of names.

“Remember when our cousin Billy, ya know, the one that married Susie Smith before she became Susie Johnson and then got a divorce and married Ed Whosawhatsit? Yeah, that Billy. Well he had a son 40 years ago with his first wife Jennifer who has 4 kids from her first husband Hughie who later married the local shopkeepers mom.”

That’s seriously how the conversation went. I realized 2 things during this chat:
1. My extended family may be solely resposible for the insanely high divorce rate.
2. I can never, ever, ever date somebody within a 40 mile radius from this town. I am almost 100% certain that I am in some way genetically related to every male who lives in this county.

 


At Least It’s Not Sponge Bob

Before I go into tonight’s post, I just want to remind you all of something:

You will forget that Facebook changed their layout by this time next week. It’s totally fine. No need to keep bombarding me with your Google+ invitations because I’m pretty sure we all collectively decided to ignore Google+ months ago.

I also wanted to say, Happy First Day of Fall! Let the pumpkin latte drinking, mitten wearing, scarf wearing and Halloween costume shopping begin.

Naturally now that it’s fall, I’m making my Christmas list. If any of you happen to be a secret Santa of mine, let me offer a suggestion: this.

Tonight, I’m going to leave you with a thought on children’s television.

TV has arguably become more educational and nurturing since the days of Doug, Ren and Stimpy and Rocko’s Modern Life. But what are these shows preparing our youth for?

While watching Backyardigans with my niece today, I noticed a strange theme in the episode. The female characters (Tasha and Uniqua), were living in a volcano and demanding that the male characters (Pablo, Austin and Tyrone) bring them what they want.

What did they want? They wouldn’t tell the guys!

Instead of standing up to these demanding women, the guys scrambled to offer up the biggest and best gifts they could find.

In the end all the girls wanted was to be invited to the luau happening in the village.

Read: The girls just wanted a little attention.

Did the girls just ask for attention? Nope. They sat on a volcano, threatened to make the volcano erupt if the guys didn’t read their mind.

Gee. That doesn’t sound familiar to me at all.

(Thanks to a friend from Philly for showing me those handsome shirts, as well as helping me come up with the names of the best tv shows the 90’s had to offer.)


You Might Not Want To Read This

Seriously it’s late. I am just rambling.

Also, if you aren’t a female in your mid-twenties, this will make no sense.

Tonight, like most nights, I am sitting in bed with my laptop watching Millionaire Matchmaker. Just waiting to hear that Patti Stanger is taking on Aaron Rodgers as a client so I can fly to a casting call. I would even straighten my precious curls so that Patti would see that I would be a perfect match for #12.

After the show ended, the movie Next Friday came on.  I have never seen this movie, but a scene came on that I found myself mouthing the words to.

These words:

Now Craig, it’s gonna be different living out here. Don’t let your Uncle or your cousin get you in any shit. Now you hear me? 

 Pops I’m grown now, can’t nobody get me in trouble no more. 

Well I’m glad you said that son, but since you grown, don’t bring your black ass back home. 

How do you know the words to the movie if you have never seen it?

I’m glad you asked. I – like any other girl born between 1984 and 1988 – know the words to this scene because we all thought we were Julia Stiles at some point in our lives. And what do you do when you think you are Julia Stiles? You dance like she did in Save the Last Dance.

“You can do it put your back into it…”

In case you missed the connection, Ice Cube is in the movie Next Friday. Ice Cube also wrote the theme song for Save the Last Dance.

Those words are spoken in the theme song.

Hence, every time you listen to that song and dance your crazy hip-hop moves…you hear those words…and if you’re like me…you never put any thought into where those words came from.

I will probably delete this in the morning.