One more place for girls to yammer on…

Dating

I’m Too Cool For This

I would have posted this last night but my wireless internet wasn’t working. The troubleshooting feature on my computer wasn’t much help as it kept suggesting I should plug an ethernet cable in so that I could have internet.
That would give me internet, but I was already in bed and not about to get up and plug my computer in at that time of night. A girl needs her beauty rest…plus Chelsesa Lately was on. I decided to do what I do with most problems and ignore it hoping it would go away. Tonight when I turned the computer back on the internet worked fine. I guess the only lesson I learned in all of this is to keep ignoring my problems and let them fix themselves.
Seems legit.

Anyhow I’m back with another great dating story. I’m also sending a shout-out to all of my readers for their crazy dating stories too. I know that many of you are no longer in the dating world but I think if you could just send along the nutty things that happened to you while single I will feel a lot better about myself.

I went on a date Sunday night. I was feeling especially relaxed and in control for this date because I had played my cards perfectly. The date was with a guy I’ve known for a few months, but he finally asked me out for a proper dinner last week. I didn’t initiate any conversation with him between the time he asked me on the date and the date itself because I think texting guys is stupid and that technology has ruined my generation’s ability to communicate face to face.

When it was time to meet this guy on Sunday I dressed up – but just a little, as not to appear to be trying too hard. (Side note: It takes a lot of effort to look like you put absolutely no effort at all into your looks.) I arrived just on time and he was already there waiting for me. I liked that.

The conversation went well and there were even tentative plans made to meet up again. Things all seemed to be going fine, until the next morning. I sent a polite “Thanks for last night, I had a good time” text. I didn’t hear anything for a few hours but didn’t let it get under my skin because I’m calm and collected and busy enough myself not to be waiting by my phone for a text. (Maybe I was busy texting all my friends about the date…but I was busy nonetheless, don’t judge me.)

A few hours later I received his reply: “ur welcome”

Excuse me?

No – “I had a good time too”?
No – “Thanks for coming”?
You couldn’t even take the time to spell “you’re” out completely?

Fine, fine. It was just one date. Even though I was a little surprised at his lack of reaction, I’m not invested in this guy enough to let it get me down.

Around 9pm last night I got another text from him. When I saw his name I was taken aback, I hadn’t really expected to hear from him again.
I’m sure you all are assuming that he was texting to ask me out again, to elaborate that he had a good time on our date too, maybe even to ask how my night was going. That’s what I was thinking. I was wrong. He wrote this:”want to sleep over?”

Um. No.
Unless your idea of a sleepover involves Olsen Twin movies and staying up chatting all night. If that’s the case, I’ll bring the popcorn.

Ur welcome.


This Is My Life

I’ve had a really hard time writing this post. Not because I haven’t tried, oh I’ve tried, it just never felt like I did the events that happened to me this week justice.
I have had a weird week.
I’ve finally reached this conclusion: I am much better at writing about and embellishing mundane things to sound funny, than I am at taking actually funny things that happen to me and making them entertaining to read.

Because I have been told that I need to write these stories, as they somehow only happen to me, I’m going to just get them in print and send them off into my little corner of the internet. I hope that even though I’m not writing about them in my usual sarcastic and petulant tone, you still grasp the weirdness that was my week.

Last Sunday my co-worker Marissa and I went shopping. This is why I wanted a job so badly, so that I could make a new friend to go shopping with.

After a long day of trolling the mall, we decided to have lunch at the Olive Garden. Confession: I love chain restaurants. Ruby Tuesday’s, TGI Friday’s, Red Lobster…I just can’t help myself! If I can get the same dish here as I can in Florida as I can in Massachusetts, it just makes my belly happy.
Anyhow, we both ordered the unlimited soup and got down to girl talk. I was impressed with how attentive and friendly our waiter was and enjoyed chatting with him as well. It wasn’t until the end of the meal that my friend commented on the fact that she was still hungry and had not been offered any more soup.
Turns out the waiter was being purposely attentive to me, as I got this with my bill:

Marissa is still waiting for a refill on her soup.

Wednesday night I was hanging around our local college town when I ran into this guy.

I immediately sent the picture to my friends and my favorite response was from my sister. “Oh god Brandy, who are you dating now?”
(For those of you who crawl under rocks on Thursday nights, this is Craig Robinson, also known as Darryl, from The Office.)
I happened to have a copy of Mindy Kalings new book with me, (Kelly from The Office) and he took a picture of me and the book and sent it to her! And I just realized that I forgot to tell him how much I love Toby!! Damn. Hey Mindy…send my picture to Toby…tell him to call me!! I have our wedding colors picked out!!

Wait…don’t tell him about the wedding colors thing. I’ll tell him.

Friday morning a guy I met twice wrote a poem for me. Or not. There has been some debate about it. The running theory is that the poem was originally written for an ex as a “let’s get back together” poem and is now being given to me as a “please date me” poem. Nobody has written anything for me since Patrick Swayze wrote “She’s Like The Wind” for me when I was 3.
Yes that song was for me, who else would it be for?

To round out a crazy week I went with my big sister to see a crazy movie. That’s right, I saw the new Twilight movie. It’s horrible and amazing all at the same time. One of the highlights is when Bella announced the name of the baby, Renesmee, and a guy in the theater with us shouts out “Renesmee?!”
I’m with you dude. Horrible name.

The other highlight was when my sister cried at the wedding scene. Laughing at her for crying at a Twilight movie is probably the hardest I’ve laughed all week.
…and with the week I’ve had, that’s really saying something.

 

 

 


I’m Done

Who’s coming with me, besides Flipper here??

(It’s a Jerry Maguire quote….. Anybody? Anybody? No? Fine. Moving on.)

There are so many things that I am over today. Want to hear what they are? Here we go!

  • The job search!! I finally have officially broken up with indeed.com, monster.com, craigslist, the classifieds in the paper. I’m also done being nice to people that I might need to like me just in case they know if somebody is hiring. You have all now been warned.
  • Between season weather. How’s a girl supposed to plan outfits for the week when it’s snowy one day and nearly 70 degrees the next? In case you haven’t heard, Mother Nature, I’m playing Christmas music now. Bring on the snow!
  • Fantasy Football. I thought I could hang with the cool kids this year. Turns out, I can’t. Oh I had a good run the first few weeks, but then people get injured and teams have bye weeks and I just can’t keep up.
  • Finally, dating. I know, I know, I promised all the nitty gritty details, and then went silent. The truth is…I’ve been holding out on you. I forgot how awkward the whole ‘courting’ process can be. Also, to add to the strangeness of it all, my blog posts get advertised on facebook. I tend to accept everybody as facebook friends, even the guys I plan to write about right here. Feels a little bitchy, even for me.
Tomorrow I’ll be back with a list of things that I’m not going to hate all over, and, some exciting news for the blog!

 

***Note: I got some really supportive comments and emails from my post last week. Thanks to everybody! While I still don’t appreciate her comment, I’m also not out to destroy a business. A phone call will be placed to the dealership this week to let them know that their hiring practices need to be reconsidered.

 

 


A Note For My Sister

Recently, there has been a debate over the type of guy I ultimately would like to end up with. I had come up with a list of non-negotiable traits (single, smart/educated, funny, handsome and professional).

I get a lot of grief for this list. Particularly because my sister thinks that smart + professional = rich.

She even has gone so far as to say that I would marry Ben Roethlisberger if he were to ask. Implying that I would go for a meat-headed womanizer, as these traits can be forgotten if you have money.

In order to set the record straight, I would like to point out how my behaviors would be different if I were, in fact, out for money instead of love.

If I were a gold digger I would be looking for a sugar daddy, and not a job.

….. I would hang out at the country club, and not on my blog.

….. I would wear more makeup when I got out in public. I would probably do my hair up fancy too.

…..I would not have been an education major. I would have become a nurse in hopes of meeting a doctor.

 

I hope this clears that debate up. Tomorrow maybe I’ll tackle something a little more pressing, like the occupy Wall Street protests or the latest republican debate. Or not. Probably not.

 


Good Thing Aaron Rodgers Is From California

I love fall!

The season is finally here, although you wouldn’t know it by the crazy 80 degree weather today.

 (Tiny picture from cell phone. The pumpkin on my left will be carved up into something awesome in a few weeks. Stay tuned.)

Tonight I was listening to my mom and my aunt discuss small town gossip. Nothing worth sharing here…but they threw out a lot of names.

“Remember when our cousin Billy, ya know, the one that married Susie Smith before she became Susie Johnson and then got a divorce and married Ed Whosawhatsit? Yeah, that Billy. Well he had a son 40 years ago with his first wife Jennifer who has 4 kids from her first husband Hughie who later married the local shopkeepers mom.”

That’s seriously how the conversation went. I realized 2 things during this chat:
1. My extended family may be solely resposible for the insanely high divorce rate.
2. I can never, ever, ever date somebody within a 40 mile radius from this town. I am almost 100% certain that I am in some way genetically related to every male who lives in this county.

 


This Is Why My Mom Worries

I’ve been told I have bad taste in guys.

I decided that today would be a good day to look back on past mistakes. Mistakes I made way in the past.

Before those two guys that broke up with me on 3 separate birthdays.*

Before that guy that failed to tell me about his wife and children.  (It’s funny what you can find out in an obituary. )

Before that guy who asked me to go on a date at Subway…and then asked me to pay.

We’re going way back today…back to the beginning. To the first guy that made my sister say, “Brandy, really?!”

Source  

Yeah. Him.

I can see now that the trouble all started when I was rooting for Belle to choose Gaston. But hear me out here. Gaston was handsome, popular, a good provider and charismatic. He would have provided a life for Belle that allowed her to be home and read while he was off with his buddies hunting and at that bar singing songs to each other. That doesn’t sound so bad.

And what about the Beast? He was no peach in the beginning of the story. He was selfish and vain and really grumpy. Maybe if Belle had given Gaston the time and attention she had given the Beast, Gaston would have showed a softer side too.

Let’s fast forward to elementary school now. I can see that this was probably my most poignant crush, the one that would forecast the type of guys I was attracted to as an adult.

There really isn’t anything bad you can say about Billy. Brains are sexy. So are guys in glasses.

We will end this little trip down memory lane with probably the scariest of my choices.

I don’t have a lot to back this one up. As with Gaston, he was handsome, wealthy and charismatic. I think it just boils down to preferring men with dark hair, and liking men that don’t look like they are 12.

The important thing about making mistakes is that you learn from them. I am happy to report that my taste in men is changing, maturing.

And I can’t wait to see my new boyfriend on tv tonight.

 

 

 

*How does that even happen to one girl? Note to future boyfriends: my birthday is in July. If you so much as pick a fight with me around my birthday, that birthday cake is going in your face.

**I should also note that both of these birthday breakup dudes are total grammar freaks. I’m less worried about them being upset that I call them out online, and more worried they are going to send me a copy of this post with red pen all over it.


Why I Won’t Date Your Cousin, Friend or Golf Buddy

As soon as ‘The Ex’ and I broke up, I had decided that I was not going to post about dating on this site. I didn’t want to embarrass anybody or get too personal. I also made that decision in fear that guys in a tiny town are not going to want to date the girl who publishes stories about her romantic life.

Then I realized that dating is hilarious! I have found myself in so many awkward situations in the dating/relationship world, it would be selfish of me not to share. Plus, let’s face it; this site is called Let’s Grab a Coffee. I have never had a coffee date with a girlfriend that didn’t discuss my crazy lack-of-love life.

Disclaimer: While I’m going to be calling out guys on some of their obnoxious behaviors, I fully realize that I’ve had a few “crazy bitch” moments myself, and would welcome any guy that I’ve dated to start a website and share as well. One awful night that involved the Brockton Police Dept. and ‘The Ex’ comes to mind. I’m not going to write that story because it isn’t very flattering. If ‘The Ex’ wanted to write it, I would probably be kind enough to link back to it on this site. While he’s not good as some things, (namely, putting a ring on it), he is a very talented writer.

Today’s topic, however, is the set up. It’s inevitable that the minute you change your Facebook status to single, people start whipping out their little black books. I’m not against being set up; I do think it’s time for me to set a few ground rules though. (Are you listening older sister? You might want to take notes…)

1.     Please don’t set me up with somebody just because he’s single.

“You’re single, he’s single…

Ok, single is an important quality I look for in a date. I admit that once (…3 times…) in the past I’ve forgotten to clear that minor detail before getting involved.  That also leads me to rule number 2 …

2.     No liars.

I know you wouldn’t set me up with a liar/cheater/tool on purpose, but could you do a little investigating before you throw me to the wolves.

3.      “But he’s so nice!”

So is Barney, and probably our friend Tiger up there. Doesn’t mean I should date them.

4.     “He would treat a girlfriend so well…it would be perfect!

No…it’s not perfect. It’s a start. Perfect would be if he were a single doctor with a love of cats and an appreciation for curly hair. (I’m sorry Patti Stanger, but I do think there are men out there that like a girl with a little spring in her ‘do.)

 

The moral of the story is, while these are all excellent qualities for a future suitor of mine to have, they can’t stand alone. There has to be some spark, some chemistry, some substance. And trust me…if I feel that, I won’t need your help setting it up. I can handle that part on my own.