One more place for girls to yammer on…

At Least I Think I’m Funny

How Not To Parent

My policy is to only give parenting advice when asked. Even though I have a lot of experience teaching children, I’ve yet to join the ranks of those who raise children. With the exception of abuse, they are your kids…raise them however you see fit.

I’m going to break this rule for a minute. Watch this:

Did you see that? Right around the 26 second mark? The kids are fighting and the dad puts on his headphones so he can just tune it out.

Good tactic my friend. I’m sure that, in no way, can turn ugly. Plus the game is on. Priorities. I get it.

I’m also pretty sure there is a joke in the fact that the girl is screaming “ball! ball!” as if she’s trying to get one…but she is holding a ball. I’m too tired to think of something to say about that now though because I’m still recovering from Black Friday.


Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween gang!

I have to tell you, I’m super excited to share today’s blog post with you. There is a lot to cover so let’s get right into it…

First of all, Halloween. I hope everybody had a great weekend. I really, really love this time of year. Cold weather, (snow!!) hot hazelnut mocha’s…it was a perfect weekend.

For my costume I tried to be funny this year. Remember that Olivia doll I mentioned months ago? The creepy one that my sister and I hide in attempt to scare each other?

Well she’s gotten even creepier…she lost an arm somehow in the past few months.

And I went as her for Halloween. I think that a person dressed up as an Olivia doll is even creepier than the actual Olivia doll.

Pictures exist, but I’m not sharing them. You might be able to bribe my sister for one though…she likes blueberry muffins and decaffeinated white mocha’s with caramel on top.

I had a lot of fun people watching as well, adults seem to put more work into their costumes than children do. Adult Halloween costumes typcially come in 4 basic categories. Let’s explore:

Funny – Blue Man Group costume has been done well. Political figures are always good for a laugh and this guy was very creative:

He’s Angelina Jolie’s baby.

 

Gross: The blood, the gore, the penises sticking out of your shorts. Put that stuff away! Scaring people is one thing, scarring them is another.

Sexy: Most girls strive for sexy. I get it, it’s the one day of the year that you can wear something a little risque and not feel like you need to apologize for it. Just be careful though, you are one inch of skin away from being…

Slutty: What is with the girls in slutty costumes? Is it fun to parade yourself mostly naked in public? Are you really in need of that much attention? You know, there are places that will actually pay you parade around half naked all year long. Just sayin’.

 

I also wanted to be the first to share with you that Kim Kardashian is filling for divorce today. At first I was devastated! The time, energy and attention I put into that wedding this summer is just disgusting.
After I thought about it though…I’m super excited! Why?? Because “Kim and Kourtney take New York” was filmed directly after the wedding. The show premiered in November and we are going to get to watch the whole train wreck go down!
Really though…that’s what you get for marrying a guy with the same name as your mom. If I ever decide to marry a guy named Brenda, remind me of how it can only end badly.

I have a sneaky suspicion that not many of my readers are Kardashian followers, but fear not! If anything noteworthy happens I’ll be sure to fill you in right here.

What was the best costume you saw this Halloween? Did it fall into any of these categories? 

 


A Quick Note To My Facebook Friends

As with jobs, guys, and clothes…I’m very picky as to who I consider a  friend.

Not because I think I’m better than anybody, or because I’m trying to be exclusive, just because I like to surround myself with good people.

That being said, when you post your 1,000th Facebook status about how you are against child abuse or in favor of cancer research, you are telling me something I already know, that you are a good person who cares.

But by implying that if I don’t re-post your poorly written status I should feel guilty for not displaying my love of abused puppies for an hour, well, that’s just rude.

I have a proposal for you all – think about all of the time you spend on Facebook reading and re-posting these messages. What are these messages actually doing? Creating awareness for issues we’re already aware of? I challenge you to take 1/10 of the time you will spend on Facebook next month and do something productive for one of those causes.

Sad about cancer? Contact the American Cancer Society, they have a lot of uses for volunteers.
Want to help those puppies and kitty friends? Talk to an animal sanctuary. They would love your help!

At a loss for how to help your cause? Email me. I’m sure we can come up with something together: letsgrabacoffee@gmail.com

But for the love of all that is good in this world, stop with the Facebook statuses!
 

 

 


Well This Is Disappointing

If you asked me to name my idols, Cathy Mitchell would come second only to Lucille Ball.

I was first introduced to Cathy as a young girl when she was advertising a product called microcrisp. Microcrisp was a weird wax/foil hybrid that you could use to brown food in your microwave. I, of course, begged my grandmother to order it for me and spent the next two months making apple turnovers in my microwave for anybody who came to visit.
I think that these apple turnovers tasted awesome, but I was also 6 when I became master of the microwave and would love to hear from friends and family who had to actually choke down turnover after turnover.

My infomercial purchases have been varied since then. I have bump-its – which do give my hair an awesome voluminous quality, a snuggie, a magic bullet, an ab rocket (oh yeah), Bendaroos (purchased as a gift), bottletops, a chia pet…probably countless others. Informercial products are like tattoos or potato chips, you can’t stop at one.

So yesterday when I was watching tv and saw this: I was shocked that nobody had told me about it yet!
One more thing to add to the Christmas list.

On the bright side, I start working Monday. Maybe I can get a pair (or 3) for myself.


My First Top 10 List

Lately there have been a few people stepping out of their comfort zone in the news: Lady Gaga became Joe Calderone and starting belting out ballads. (Not a total shocker, she plays a dude pretty well.)
Seth McFarlane released an album this week. (He is the creator of Family Guy.)

 I thought this was a pretty unexpected crossover. Cartoonist turned crooner.

Lady Gaga and Seth McFarlane inspired me. If these two can stretch the boundaries of their talents, why can’t other people in the public eye do something a little daring and shock us all?

I’m hoping this list will encourage some more celebs to break out of their mold and make watching E! News a little more interesting.

Here is my list of the Top 10 Unexpected Crossovers That Haven’t Happened …Yet:

1 Fran Drescher becoming a singer

2 Charlie Sheen writing a children’s book (He has some good material though: Wizard the Winning Tiger just might be a best-seller.)

3 Ryan Seacrest becoming underexposed (You don’t often hear people say, “Hey, what happened to that Ryan Seacrest guy?”)

4  Jillian Michaels becoming a contestant on The Biggest Loser

5  Kevin Federline becoming a Trojan spokesperson (Who knew he would be so fertile?)

6  Hugh Hefner becoming a one woman man

7 Fox News leaning a little to the left

8 Carlos Mencia becoming funny

9 Snooki becoming pale

10 Long John Silver’s becoming tasty

Your turn – what is a crossover that would surprise you? 


Good Thing Aaron Rodgers Is From California

I love fall!

The season is finally here, although you wouldn’t know it by the crazy 80 degree weather today.

 (Tiny picture from cell phone. The pumpkin on my left will be carved up into something awesome in a few weeks. Stay tuned.)

Tonight I was listening to my mom and my aunt discuss small town gossip. Nothing worth sharing here…but they threw out a lot of names.

“Remember when our cousin Billy, ya know, the one that married Susie Smith before she became Susie Johnson and then got a divorce and married Ed Whosawhatsit? Yeah, that Billy. Well he had a son 40 years ago with his first wife Jennifer who has 4 kids from her first husband Hughie who later married the local shopkeepers mom.”

That’s seriously how the conversation went. I realized 2 things during this chat:
1. My extended family may be solely resposible for the insanely high divorce rate.
2. I can never, ever, ever date somebody within a 40 mile radius from this town. I am almost 100% certain that I am in some way genetically related to every male who lives in this county.

 


At Least It’s Not Sponge Bob

Before I go into tonight’s post, I just want to remind you all of something:

You will forget that Facebook changed their layout by this time next week. It’s totally fine. No need to keep bombarding me with your Google+ invitations because I’m pretty sure we all collectively decided to ignore Google+ months ago.

I also wanted to say, Happy First Day of Fall! Let the pumpkin latte drinking, mitten wearing, scarf wearing and Halloween costume shopping begin.

Naturally now that it’s fall, I’m making my Christmas list. If any of you happen to be a secret Santa of mine, let me offer a suggestion: this.

Tonight, I’m going to leave you with a thought on children’s television.

TV has arguably become more educational and nurturing since the days of Doug, Ren and Stimpy and Rocko’s Modern Life. But what are these shows preparing our youth for?

While watching Backyardigans with my niece today, I noticed a strange theme in the episode. The female characters (Tasha and Uniqua), were living in a volcano and demanding that the male characters (Pablo, Austin and Tyrone) bring them what they want.

What did they want? They wouldn’t tell the guys!

Instead of standing up to these demanding women, the guys scrambled to offer up the biggest and best gifts they could find.

In the end all the girls wanted was to be invited to the luau happening in the village.

Read: The girls just wanted a little attention.

Did the girls just ask for attention? Nope. They sat on a volcano, threatened to make the volcano erupt if the guys didn’t read their mind.

Gee. That doesn’t sound familiar to me at all.

(Thanks to a friend from Philly for showing me those handsome shirts, as well as helping me come up with the names of the best tv shows the 90’s had to offer.)