One more place for girls to yammer on…

How Not To Run A Business

I like to think of myself as a trendsetter, but I’m also not ashamed to admit that I’m a trend follower as well.

Sometimes I catch on to the cool stuff right away, like nano pets. Oh man, I was all over nano pets. I couldn’t keep them alive any better than I could my real pets, but the point is I had them when they were popular.

Other times I’m a little late to the party. I just bought my first pair of leggings. The point is – I did it. Ok Cosmo? Jeez. Get off my back.

Now that I’m not working, I feel that I don’t really have an excuse to miss out on the latest trend. Just to keep myself accountable, this is how I’m going to follow along:

First I’m going to take something people love, like…peanut butter. Who doesn’t love peanut butter? (Unless you’re allergic to peanuts, in which case, grab an epi-pen and join the cool table.) So anyhow, I’m going to take peanut butter and make it more accessible. For a small monthly fee, I will deliver peanut butter to your house. Any kind you want. You want fancy choco-hazelnut-wonderbutter? Deal. It’s on its way.

Then, once everybody sees how awesome their life can be when the best peanut butter around is delivered to their doorstep – everybody will start doing it!

Being the savvy business lady that I am, I’m not going to stop there. In your subscription to peanut butter at your door, I’m going to allow you to watch peanut butter cooking channels on your computer. Unlimited resources of how to use your delicious peanut butter!

Now that you can get peanut butter delivered to you and unlimited screen time of the yummy stuff, you will probably stop buying it in stores. Stores may even stop carrying it, because so few people buy it in the store. Whole peanut butter companies will go out of business, because I’m doing what I do so well.

Once everything is going along swimmingly and I’m making bazillions of dollars off of you peanut butter fiends I’m going to screw it up. Royally.

Those peanut butter shows you grew to love? You’re going to need to pay me more for those now.

Oh. And pay more for the delivery too please.

While I’m at it, how about I make the peanut butter shows and peanut butter deliveries two totally different things. You are going to need to have two separate accounts if you would like to continue to enjoy them.

At the end of the day my whole company may just burst into flames because I took something awesome and made it decidedly un-awesome.

Thanks for the great idea Netflix.


3 responses

  1. TRUTH.
    Although I deriving great satisfaction from the fact that the twitter alias for their “new” company is already taken by arguably the world’s laziest stoner.

    September 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm

  2. Caro

    hahahaha Brandy, spot on!

    September 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm

  3. Nice…but I seriously think you should look in to the whole peanut butter thing. 🙂

    September 27, 2011 at 9:16 am

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