You Might Be A Walking Ice Cream Headache If….
Remember all those blizzards that affected the northeast last winter? It was awful. Every Monday I would turn on the weather channel, just to hear that another blizzard was going to hit the area.
Oh, and the school I taught at never closed because people in Massachusetts don’t really notice silly things like blizzards.
Oh, and my dad wasn’t around to plow/shovel for me.
Yeah, that winter. Well right around March The Ex and I were over it. Him being from the sunny south and me being from a state that actually closes school when the snow reaches your knees…we were spent. Realizing that we needed a vacation, The Ex asked me where I would like to go.
“Hershey, Pennsylvania” I said, without hesitation. It really is the sweetest place on earth. Plus it’s near my family, and the chocolate there tastes a lot fresher. No joke.
The Ex had a different view on what this vacation was about.
I am not spending my vacation in a place that is just as cold as this. Plus you have been to Hershey 20 times and if I have to ride that thing that shows you how they make the chocolate one more time I’m going to permanently delete Cosmo radio from the xm. Fair is fair.
He had a point. Not about the thing that shows you how they make the chocolate – that’s awesome – but about it still being pretty cold in Pennsylvania. I had a back-up plan though. I always do.
Really, Brandy? You don’t want to go to Colorado or California or any place not marketed towards the children you teach all day every day?
I did not. I wanted to go to Disney. A month later we were off to Orlando!
The trip was great. Hot weather, cold margarita’s and trashy novels by the pool. Since I had dragged The Ex to downtown Disney one night, it was only fair that I attended a spring training baseball game in return. (It seriously just dawned on me that spring training may have been the only reason he agreed to go to Orlando. Well played Mr., well played.)
While we were at the baseball game, I did what I always do at sporting events, eavesdropped on the conversations around me. Two very funny dudes were talking about a frustrating situation they had encountered lately, and dude 1 said to dude 2, “that man is just a walking ice cream headache.”
Best. Insult. Ever.
I’ve decided to come up with a list of things that I feel deem somebody as a Walking Ice Cream Headache. If you recognize these as things that you do, stop! You are a tool. Just, stop.
- Parking your vehicle across 2 parking spots so that nobody can come close enough to scratch your car. Your car is not that nice.
- Snapping your gum in public. Like at the movie theater, or the bank. Especially if you are the bank teller. (Really, lady? I was trying to do math in my head. That is hard enough without the constant popping of your Big Red.)
- Giving somebody a pet name if they are not your significant other or family member. That means, I hereby declare war on anybody that calls me babe, sugar, honey, darling or dear. This means you, guy who thinks he is being charming and flirtatious but is really just being creepy. This also means you Dunkin’ Donuts lady, you are my age. When you say, “anything else, honey?” I want to pour my hot coffee on your hair.
I would love to know that I’m not the only grumpy person judging all over people today. Please share what you feel makes somebody a Walking Ice Cream Headache.